Addressing Crisis Together is an outreach to those who are under the heat of fire through trial. We recognize God has a purpose for each trying experience. In these testings we see opportunity to glorify God as He guides us in all our troubles.
We covet the prayers of faithful people, like you, who have kept the ministry going. It is a mystery to see how God’s hand is unveiled through His work. Thankfully, it’s our privileged to invest in the treasures He’s put in our path, which is YOU! In the process I’ve learned to accept the place God has set me, seeing this is where He has equipped me for His service. The past three and a half years have been a fruitful harvest, that has risen from sharing my crisis and those victories fought in Christ. Writing has helped me find God’s peace. When my heart became open in revealing my story…to publicly make known – that my son, Michael was murdered, the unexpected happened. I began to heal from some brokenness. Although the process of grief is a tedious process that takes years to fully heal, still I have experienced remarkable progress. In pushing forward, God has revealed specific work for me to do which gives me exceeding joy. That would not have been possible had I not gone through this valley of loss alone, without purpose. What God has done is amazing, which spurs me on to new heights, with greater possibilities of what God can continue to do.
Recently, while talking with a friend, she addressed something I’ve read of in a text, but never realized in myself. She said, “Kim when you talk about your story it is as if you’re talking about another person’s life, when you do articulate.” I’ve read how “in trauma” it is typical to talk about everyone and everything else rather than your own feelings. It is one thing to read about it, and it is another to realize you are the one. I’ve also read when those raw emotions are suppressed, they overlap into the lives of those closest to us. When we choose to block, numb, deny, pretend, or silence these unattended wounds, it takes a toll. They hinder our ability to fully express personal empathy with others who are hurting. Too, it robs us of rich relationships. In addition, it takes away from being real and transparent. Grief cannot be denied and we have never been called to live in pretense. This new awareness causes me to look deep within to the fractures of pain which have left their scars, and then address them on a deeper level. To come forward and share more of my struggles and the war that rage in my mind during the deepest sorrow I’ve ever known when my son died.
Another issue for me is fear. When Satan rears his ugly head, my fear arises. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of judgment, and on and on…it’s stifling! Once a friend comforted me with these words, which caused me to think deeper, “run into it FEARLESSLY,” she said. I can picture my dear son, Michael adding, “COURAGEOUSLY, Mom. Fearlessly and courageously, for Jesus is with you.” Fear, along with other defenses, have embedded themselves into my life, keeping me from being one hundred percent effective. They have caused me to draw back to examine myself. Can I let go of these fears giving them to Jesus? Absolutely! Then run ahead of my past, and be all that I am in Christ, and silence that nasty enemy! It causes me to quietly pray, “Lord teach me more.”
No less painful is my difficultly in uttering the word “murder.” It is so hard to do! When someone came to me recently and ask me how my son died, I realized how hard this word is to me. I couldn’t even speak these painfully awful words, “My son was murdered.” Perhaps it’s the stigma that is attached to murder. The inaccurate negative perceptions induced by the media as if to indicate all murder (even innocent victims) are associated with gangs and drugs. Too, I’ve remember other experiences from people that left a bad taste in my mouth. Now, I recoil in silence. It seems to me some people’s disinterest or discomfort with the subject of murder has left deeper scars of pain on the inside. It’s hurtful and reinforces the lie that it’s gang or drug related. To make things harder the perpetrator was unknown to us, nor was he to Mike. How could we have ever known this would happen? It’s taken years to sift through all the confusion but one thing is sure, effects of murder is intimately sensitive. It’s not my identity, for Christ is my identity and I am whole and complete in Him. Nor would anyone want to lose a child who they dearly love and adore, to die a violent death. Michael was such a rich part of my life…a great gift from God, each day spent with him was treasured. His life was fun, yet amazing. He was a great example and leader…it pains me, that in any way, the stigma of murder could take anything away from his outstanding character. Negative connotations of murder devalue the person. That is when I defend my cause.
Often, to comfort myself I remember that Jesus the wonderful Lamb of God was murdered too. He took on the disgrace, and humiliation…bearing the torment of pain for our sake. God gave us something of Himself…”LOVE” in full measure, so unlike ours. I know my sufferings couldn’t come close nor compare to what He suffered. But He perfectly understands that my son was precious to me. Perhaps one of the purposes of my son’s death has opened my eyes to Jesus sacrifice on the cross where His blood was shed for sins such as murder.
Christ is life! I live in Him, have risen in Him and I am sustained by the power of His resurrection. So with a single focus and my eyes fixed on Jesus, I commend the ministry to Him, to reach the utmost parts of the world. The ISIS rage, anti-Semitic aggression, massive shootings, and commercial sexual exploitation that’s risen moves my spirit to pray. To seek that God would touch these ravaged places with more and more of the Gospel truth, through personal testimonies like mine.
Presently, though intense prayer I feel God has ask me to submit this ministry into His hands. God is sending me down another path for a season. The Lord is calling me into ministry. I am going back to school, so to speak, with my Scriptural text in hand. I’m set out to learn more about how to effectively reach out to others in hopes of fuller advancement of the gospel. My desire is to dig deeper, and deal with the hidden parts of traumatic wounds. This makes me realize how much God wants to touch them, if I will let Him. I need to address my fear, and those many facets which have entangled themselves into my life, so I can be completely set free. Then, with an open heart, I will share at greater depths about my healing journey. I trust God is involved in all the affairs of my life. With fresh determination – hope will spring forward into a greater ministry in His perfect season.
Lord, You have been faithful in the past, and will continue to be faithful in the future for this ministry. Thank You for all You’ve done. Amen.